Pride vs Humility

Pride and humility are like two sides of a coin. When I flip that coin, how it lands determines how I think, feel, and act toward myself and others. When it’s heads, or the pride side wins, I say or think things like, “I’m right, you’re wrong”, “I’m better than you”, and “I got this handled on my own”. When it’s tails, or humility wins, I might say or think things like, “What can I learn from you”, “How am I playing a part in this conflict” and “I wonder what their perspective is on this”. But it isn’t just a random flip of a coin, I choose each day which I am going to be and how I will treat my spouse. Will I keep that pride side up or will I work and pray diligently to turn it over, and myself over to the Lord?

A more realistic analogy to pride is that of a plague, with humility being the antidote that can cure us. I wish I could say I hadn’t been infected by it, but unfortunately it is rampant, even in me. It affects our individual lives and our marriages. President Ezra Taft Benson said: “The antidote for pride is humility- meekness, submissiveness (see Alma 7:23). It is the broken heart and contrite spirit… God will have a humble people. Either we can choose to be humble or we can be compelled to be humble… Let us choose to be humble… We can choose to humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we are.”  

This isn’t always an easy thing to do, especially when it goes against our very natures. H. Wallace Goddard says: “The modern dilemma is ironic. We are devoted to finding happiness- and we are seeking happiness in ways that guarantee emptiness.” (Sounds like Satan knows what he’s doing.) “The natural man is inclined to love himself and fix others. God has asked us to do the opposite. We are to fix ourselves by repenting, and to love others.” Can we adopt God’s ways and put off our natural man tendencies?

We need to act and change. The plague of pride has hurt many people and left many marriages in shambles. Too often we hear of people wondering if they had ever loved their spouse when really it was their pride speaking. Goddard said of an interaction with a friend: “My heart ached. He had thrown away decades of heavenly blessings because of his current unhappiness. He had re-written history with wifely disappointment as its theme. Satan had robbed him of past, present, and future. At the center of Satan’s mischief was pride- that enmity that makes us enemies to each other.”

We must turn ourselves over to the Lord so He can make out of us, and our marriages, something new and something better. We must act in humility and not pride. Our Father knows this is what will bring lasting happiness and peace. As we try and do this we will see with new eyes and go forward with a new purpose. His purpose.  

Goddard, H. W. (2009). Drawing heaven into your marriage: Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships. Cedar Hills, UT: Joymap Publishing.