Are we turning toward our spouses each day?

Hanging on our fridge for the past 17 ½ years is a magnet that we were given by our Stake President right before we got married. On the magnet, and in the middle of a big red heart, are the words: “Never, no never forget these words of a living Prophet… (and then he quotes President Gordon B. Hinckley)
 “If you will make your first concern the comfort, the well-being and the happiness of your companion, sublimating any personal concern to that loftier goal, you will be happy, and your marriage will go on through eternity.”
Trying to follow this counsel through the years has been a blessing to our marriage. I'm so grateful for the examples of strong marriages, like President and Sister Hinckley, and for the counsel of our Church leaders.



Are his/her needs and wants our top priorities?
Making our spouse's  comfort, well-being and happiness our first concern is turning toward them (Gottman). Honoring their wishes above anyone else’s is turning toward them. Some ways I try and stay turned toward my spouse are: making sure we go on a weekly date night, looking for the good IN him and always speaking good OF him, praying for him, trying to see things from his perspective, and expressing appreciation for the things he does for our family. I turn away from my spouse when: I let other things (people, interests, hobbies) take precedence over him, speak badly of him, and by only noticing his weaknesses and the things that annoy me.



When he/she needs us, are we there?
An opportunity I have currently to turn toward my spouse is by asking my mom if we can celebrate Christmas as an extended family on a different day besides Christmas Eve, which is something we typically do. My husband has suggested we change this tradition because he would really like to have Christmas Eve with just me and our kids so we can start some new family traditions together. He still wants to get together with my family, just not on Christmas Eve. I’m a little nervous about talking to mom about this since we've gotten together with my parents and siblings on Christmas Eve for years, but I want to put my husband first and honor his wishes. By being willing to put his needs first I am turning toward my husband. Ignoring or pushing aside his wants would be turning away from him.

A good thing to ask ourselves...
Am I turning toward, or away, from my spouse today?


(Gottman, JM and Silver, N (2015) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work)