In-laws and Finances

            Fun topics! Many a marriage has been negatively affected by spouses having different views on how to handle relationships with in-laws and extended families, as well as finances. I feel very blessed in this regard, yet I know that they are touchy subjects, even between my husband and I at times. When my husband and I were first dating and he came to pick me up it was in a hole in the wall temporary home that we affectionately called “the stinky house”. My dad had just been in a motorcycle accident and we needed to be closer to the hospital while our new house was being built so we took the first one offered us. I knew my husband was a keeper because he didn’t mind our humble home and said that meeting my family sealed the deal that I was the one for him. He liked my family from the start and could tell my parents would be good to be related to. How grateful I am for that!

            Even though he loved my family, there were some differences between us. I was raised in a home that if you really wanted something you should go for it, we only live once after all. My husband was raised moving yearly because they couldn’t keep a job or support themselves. Because of this, my husband is a big saver and doesn’t spend frivolously. I love this about him and have tried to adopt his saving ways. Elder L. Tom Perry said:

“The current cries we hear coming from the great and spacious building tempt us to compete for ownership in the things of this world. We think we need a larger home, with a three-car garage, a recreational vehicle parked next to it. We long for designer clothes, extra TV sets, all with VCRs, the latest model computers, and the newest car. Often these items are purchased with borrowed money, without giving any thought to providing for our future needs. The result of all this instant gratification is overloaded bankruptcy courts and families that are far too preoccupied with their financial burdens"

All that we have is the Lord’s and we will be held accountable for our stewardship over what the Lord has given us. This includes the financial means we have been given as well as our time and our willingness to serve our family members and our brothers and sisters around us.

Power Relationships in Marriage

“In your family when there is a decision to be made that affects everyone, you and your wife together will seek whatever counsel you might need and together you will prayerfully come to a unified decision. If you ever pull priesthood rank on her, you will have failed in your leadership.”

(Carlfred Broderick, One Heart, One Flesh, pp. 31–32)

Together, a husband and a wife can form a power-relationship. We are stronger when we unitedly make decisions regarding our families. I’m very blessed to be married to a man who seeks to have this kind of marital relationship. We are different in some ways and don’t always think alike but we enjoy finding out what the other thinks. I love it when he asks for my opinion and I try and ask for his often as well. We like to discuss topics together, from finances to kids, to current events and how we feel about them.

Men and women should walk side by side in their relationship. No one takes dominance over the other. When our spouse feels a different way from us we should seek to understand and not just be heard. (Children should also know that although their parents are in charge, they care about their opinions and will listen to what they have to say.)

            President and Sister Hinckley were a great example of how we as spouses should treat each other.  Sister Hinckley said of her husband that he “always let me do my own thing. He never insisted that I do anything his way, or any way, for that matter. From the very beginning he gave me space and let me fly.” President Hinckley said, “Let her develop her own talents. Let her do things her way. Get out of her way, and marvel at what she does.” (Marjorie Pay and Gordon B. Hinckley, Ensign, October 2003, pp. 22, 27) President and Sister Hinckley had a power relationship which was a blessing for them and their posterity.

            I hope to always strive to have this kind of relationship with my husband and to leave behind this kind of legacy for my own children. I hope they can see that being united as a couple is so much better than being divided.