He Is My Number One

When my husband and I were newlyweds we got into a dispute about when we should have kids. I was ready after our first year of marriage to start having a family, but my husband wasn’t. He finally voiced his feelings that he was nervous he would be forgotten once the kids came. We talked through this issue and waited to have kids till we both felt ready and on the same page. I assured my husband that he would always come first with me. It only took a few months for us to both feel ready and, interestingly, after the birth of our oldest child, it was I who was a little jealous of all the attention our daughter received from my husband. Thankfully that feeling was fleeting but we both still work hard to make sure we always know that we come first, even before our six wonderful kids.

Since our newlywed days I have come to realize what really helps my husband feel happy and loved. A clear counter helps him to feel at ease. A hot meal cooking when he gets home is helpful. He also loves it when I greet him with a kiss. Weekly date nights give us both something to look forward to and have been a huge strength to our marriage. Knowing that my husband’s love language is “acts of service” has helped me to find little ways of lightening his load when I can. Of course I’m not always perfect at doing these things but I keep trying each day because he is my number one.    

My husband makes sacrifices for our family constantly and I hope I am likewise willing to sacrifice as well. Recently we have talked about wanting to upgrade our home to one that is a little larger and in a different area of our city. My husband is open to us doing this and supports my desires, even though he knows that it might mean his being stuck at his current place of employment. When I realized that this would be the case, and knowing how much he’d like to do something different with his law degree, I told him that we should just stay in our home and be grateful for all we have. Staying in our home, which has a small mortgage, will make it so that his options are open in the future if the right career came along. He is worth the sacrifice and even though my kids were really hoping that we would make this change in homes, I reminded them that his happiness is number one to me.

Are we like one of the thieves, a Priest/Levite, or the Samaritan from the Parable of the Good Samaritan in our Marriage?

I absolutely loved reading about the Parable of the Good Samaritan this week in Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, by H. Wallace Goddard, PhD, and gained so many insights. This parable relates to us and our journey here on earth. It also relates to the kind of spouse we are trying to be. In this parable that the Savior gave in the book of Luke, chapter 10, there were three different types of travelers who interacted differently with the man journeying from Jerusalem to Jericho. There were thieves who stripped and injured the traveler, a Priest and a Levite who passed by the injured traveler without helping him, and lastly the Good Samaritan who had compassion and cared for the injured man.
We are all on this earthly journey, traveling unknown roads, and have the option of being like one of the travelers who confront the injured man. We can be like thieves toward our spouses, and those around us, looking out for ourselves and what we want only. We can be like the Priest and Levite who recognize that our spouses aren’t perfect and make mistakes, and therefore deserve the consequences they receive, choosing to not help our spouses bear the burdens they have. Or we can be like the Good Samaritan who came prepared and looking for ways to serve. Did the Good Samaritan just happen to have the needed supplies to help the injured man, or did he pack his bag and set off looking for those he could help? We can prepare ourselves to serve our spouses and families by preparing each day. Instead of packing our bags with needed supplies (which may be a good idea also) we can prepare ourselves spiritually, emotionally, and physically so we can be ready when the opportunity to serve comes.



For me preparing means taking the time to fill myself with the things I need since you can’t water a garden with an empty bucket. Two main things are bucket fillers for me and they are daily nourishment to my spirit and body. For my spirit to feel strengthened I need daily scripture study and prayer. These help me to be worthy of the Spirit and to feel greater Christ-like charity for my spouse and children. Then I need to help my spirit be in charge of my body and that takes exercising and eating healthy. This helps me to feel good physically and mentally and makes me ready to meet the demands of the day. When I let these things slide, I feel weak and very natural-man like, getting annoyed and upset by every little thing. If I will do these two things each day, I feel more able to try and be Good Samaritan-like and less like one of the thieves in this parable. We can try each day to help our fellow travelers (especially our spouses!) by preparing ourselves to serve and by having greater compassion and not worrying if we are giving more than they are or if they deserve their fate. 

Covenant vs Contractual Marriage

There is a big difference between these two types of marriages. A contractual marriage can be broken off at any time if one or both spouses are unhappy or feel that the others spouse isn’t pulling their weight. A covenant marriage is in it for the long haul. It puts the needs of the other person before self. Contractual marriages see it as a 50/50 contract. Covenant marriages give all 100%, even if their spouse isn't doing the same. Bruce C. Hafen talked about these different types of marriage in his talk entitled Covenant Marriage. In it he also describes the 3 wolves of marriage that can kill and destroy. These wolves are: natural adversity, personal imperfections, and excessive individualism.

Trials will always come, pride and selfishness will always a battle, and the world may always scream that we should think of ourselves and our own happiness first. These wolves are alive and well and I have seen how they can affect a marriage, and even destroy it. Lives are forever hurt because of these wolves and many suffer, especially children. Dallin H. Oaks has pointed out that more often we should turn to the Savior and repent instead of turning to divorce. This takes humility, selflessness, and work. Are we praying for these Christ-like attributes?  

President Russel M. Nelson has said, “Each marriage starts with two built-in handicaps. It involves two imperfect people. Happiness can come to them only through their earnest effort. Just as harmony comes from an orchestra only when its members make a concerted effort, so harmony in marriage also requires a concerted effort. That effort will succeed if each partner will minimize personal demands and maximize actions of loving selflessness.”

My husband is a great example of minimizing personal demands and maximizing loving and selfless actions. Often he gets home from work and immediately jumps in to help me with our kids or the housework, even though he’d probably love to relax after a stressful day. Another wonderful thing he does on Sunday mornings is let me sleep in. Our teenage kids usually keep us up late on the weekends but our younger kids still wake up early. My husband will get up and get breakfast going for the younger kids and will quietly close our bedroom door so I can keep sleeping. This small act of kindness always makes me feel loved. He is a great example to me and our children on the kind of spouse and person we can be. How grateful I am that we can battle the wolves in our lives together while striving to give our all to our covenant marriage and to be worthy of the Lord’s help through it all.

Why Should Marriage Be Between a Man and a Woman?

“The Family: A Proclamation to the World” states that “marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and…the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.” I love this document given to the world when I was 14 years old because it states the Lord’s standards and is a guide for us to follow. The Proclamation warns that “the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.”

God has ordained children to come to the earth through the union of two persons of opposite genders and it is marriage between those persons that brings the greatest stability to children and families. Life is already hard enough but without the foundation of a loving family unit it is even harder. How grateful I am to be married in the temple to my husband and to be sealed together as a family forever. This doesn't mean life is always easy but it does help tremendously to weather the storms of life together and with the Lord. Bringing children into the world has been the hardest and best thing I have ever done because, like my marriage, being a mother is molding me into the best version of myself that I can be. Each day I try and be a little  better, a little more patient and loving, than I was the day before. 

Same-gender attraction is a huge topic for debate right now but it’s one of those puzzle pieces to the gospel and the Lord’s perfect plan that I don’t fully comprehend or understand just where it fits. I know the gospel of Jesus Christ, as found in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and restored through the Prophet Joseph Smith, is true because I have had the Spirit witness that to me time and time again. So I will continue to work on the puzzle, trying to follow the Spirit while I figure out where things fit. But the pieces I can’t figure out I will set aside and wait patiently until I know the whole picture. Until then I will try and love all of God’s children. I will also continue to live and teach the standards I know to be true.